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Saturday, July 29, 2006

No Remorse

Boredom can be a powerful force. Poets may talk of love, envy, hate and lust but for me boredom can be infinitely more powerful. I was involved in a good example of this some years back. I had a job on the till of the kitchen utensils section of a large department store. It was a slow day. My boredom grew. At about 4.30 a black man walked in to the store and started browsing. He looked through the pots and pans and forks and spoons until he eventually selected a large kitchen knife. He held it towards me, point first, and asked how much it cost. I threw up my hands and shouted “Look man I don’t want any trouble, just take the money!” He was not amused and gave me a rather angry stare. Then the security guard charged in, maced the guy and proceeded to beat him to the floor. You should have seen the look on his face, it was hilarious.
He’s now doing 5 to 8 years for attempted robbery.
The judge didn’t buy his story.
And I was brilliant in the witness box.
He came up for parole recently. But was rejected. The board said it was because he showed no remorse for his crime. Some people are just so heartless. I also gave the parole board some of the death threats he sent me. I was really proud of them, it took me 3 years training to be able to copy his handwriting so accurately.

After 8 years the man was released and came to see me. He told me how he had spent 7 years in prison filled with rage, everyday plotting how he would take his revenge. But in the 8th year a change had come over him. He had found religion and realised how his anger destroyed himself more than it harmed me. Now he had come to visit me so as to forgive me for how I had harmed him. I replied “forgive me, why? It was you who tried to rob me.” But eventually I broke down in tears and admitted what a terrible thing I had done and how sorry I was for the pain I caused him and his children and wife who had recently remarried and moved to Australia with the kids. I told him that my only wish was that I could give him back the years of his life that I had stolen from him. I invited him back to my flat to have a drink and talk about this more. When we got back home I went straight to the kitchen and pulled out a knife. He looked on in horror as I stabbed myself repeatedly about the chest and arms.
He now doing 25 years for attempted murder.
The judge didn’t buy his story.
And I was brilliant in the witness box.
He wont be coming up for parole for a long time.
Personally I’m just glad justice has been done.

Pretentious narcissistic misanthrope vents his spleen at the world in an act of barely disguised self loathing

I had wanted to call this blog Pretentious narcissistic misanthrope vents his spleen at the world in an act of barely disguised self loathing. But blogspot wouldnt allow it to be that long.

Not sure what i plan on putting in here... I dont want it to just be rants... and the title isnt meant to be serious.

I just finished reading a book called Why ME. It is an "inspirational" tale about the auther Alex Howard healing himself of ME. Yes that is a pun in title... thankfully in the next 180 pages the author doesnt attempt another joke, i think all his creative energies were used up on the title.
I almost stopped reading half way through the first chapter as the author attempted to convay his feeling by drowning his sentecnces in endless streams of adverbs. He also felt the need to constatly repeat the same point using different words. I would have stopped reading if not for the fact that i have CFS/ME and would gladly walk through hell to recover, so i contiued....
The auther spends severall chapters explaining what its like to live with ME, in a word horrible. There you go ive just saved you all reading 50 odd pages.

When it gets to the point of author actaully recovering from the illness, we are treated to the delightfull little sentence "I relised that i had chosen to get ME before i was born so as to learn an important life lession in this life". Aside from the issue of whether or not this is true(Its not, if your not born yet what possible basis can you have for making judgements(This womb is warm i think ill develope ME 16 years from now?)) the author makes no aknoweldgement of the fact that many people would regard such a statement as evidence that you are certifiable. He makes no attempt to justify it or say, some of you may think that sounds a bit mad. He just says it and moves on as if that is a completely natural thing to say. I came to the conculsion that i had probably chosen to get ME before so i would eventually read his book and hate him.

The main treatments that the guy recommendes are NLP and Lightning therapy i have heard of other people who did well on these treatments so if you want to recover from ME then try them out, do not read this book, and whatever you do dont recover from ME to become a smug self satisfied "healer" lacking any self-awearnce.

But the most shocking thing of all was to come after i finished the main text. at the end of the book is a page where the auther lists some of the books and movies that helped him... In horrer i gazed down the list of movies to find..... Patch Adams! yes this is a movie that Alex howard regardes as "inspirational". Patch Adams is the most excruatingly trite sentimental mess of a movie i have ever seen. It also inculdes a seen where Patch, expertaly portrayed by an ritalin loaded Robin Williams, is standing on a cliff preparing to commit suicide(oh how i cheered dear reader) when he saw a butterfly.... started laughing... and realised that life was worth living because there was a butterfly.....

What more can i say?